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The C word…

August 5, 2012

Choice is the most important word in the English language.

Everybody has the right, power and opportunity to choose what they want to do in every single situation. But how often to we make the right choice? What do we base our choices on? Making us or others feel better?

Many feel that they don’t have a choice or they couldn’t choose one scenario over another. The real answer is Yes, you can. You always have a choice in everything you do and say.

A perfect and simple example is if the children are getting under my skin. I have a choice to explode which will result in me and the children getting even more worked up or I can choose to just deal with the situation in a calm manner.

The latter will take more forethought, patience and more than likely present a better outcome but the former will feel like it will resolve the situation quicker. We all know it won’t as me and the children will get worked up and then we need to deal with the initial issue and the post explosion too!

There are obviously much more serious decisions to be made in life too. An abused spouse who chooses to stay in the relationship out of fear or a perceived lack of options. Even in this severe situation, there is still a choice. You can choose to live in a shelter but be out of harms way or you can choose to stay in the abusive relationship.

I by no means mean to belittle this massive choice or situation. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it must be. What I am doing is showing that even in this terrible situation, there is still a choice as to what decision one makes.

Continuing with the above situation, if you look at it from the abusers point of view he/she has the choice to hit or hurt too. If a different choice was made at this early point the whole situation could be very different indeed.

Sometimes you may be faced with the most difficult choice you’ve ever had to make. Do you lead with your head or your heart? Will anyone else suffer as a consequence of your choice? Will you ultimately be happier or sadder as a result of your choice?

That’s the thing about choice. The buck stops with you. You will ultimately make every choice in your own life. Sometimes it will be the right choice, suiting you or to suit other. Sometimes it will be the wrong choice, damaging you or hurting others. All we can really do is try to learn from our choices.

Maybe if we all think about the word Choice a few times a day it will begin to creep into our lives and represent a type of pause button before jumping into decisions we make.

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6 Comments
  1. While youth has it’s advantages, pausing to reflect before making a choice is usually not one of them. As we get older practice and experience help us we realise that there is choice in all things.

  2. Great piece. Very strange that I woke up this morning thinking about how I say yes too often, afraid of letting people down but need to start saying no and consider my own and my family’s needs first. I think women in particular find if hard to say no. Today, I said no when asked if I could do something that was going to take up time that I just don’t have. I forced myself not to start explaining why I was saying no. That in itself felt liberating!

  3. MkConlon permalink

    Oh a tough topic to discuss, Choice is a big word really, some have more choice than others eg some women are full time at work, what good is a shelter then. Embarrassment and/or shame are also huge hurdles. Sometimes the biggest Choice is actually telling another human being what is actually happening; Breaking the Silence. Liked your post.

    • Thanks for commenting. I completely understand that everyone’s option of choice differs in an abusive relationship. It was a very extreme example for me to have used. I guess I was just trying to show that in even the really big decisions everyone still has a choice.

      I agree that the biggest choice is taking that first step and actually telling someone. I’m sure hearing your own voice saying it out loud is a massive step towards healing.

      Thanks!

      J

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